As I look across the dark sky,

While I lie on the grass, I try

To imagine I am with someone who cares

Someone who is not caped in mysterious layers …

The darkest hour of the darkest night,

I am all alone, no one in sight.

The twilight areas of my mind are awake,

Desperate for sleep, God for heaven’s sake.

I wonder when you are that alone,

Trapped in fear, a heart turned to stone.

Will you escape the night once more?

To wake up but see daylight no more …

Bathed in a sea of broken emotions, I ache

It hurts to breathe, it hurts to even stay awake.

I am tired, just so very tired, 

In my head I am screaming, my mind unwired.

Outside I hide behind a facade, my thoughts lost in a maze,

Inside, my pain is manifesting in a million different ways.

I am exhausted …my sadness is an illusion, happiness a delusion,

My eyes hurt, tear ducts are dry, it seems there is no solution.

I feel I am inside the eye of a tornado,

A momentary silence, a peace that is a mere shadow.

I have stopped praying for things that can’t be,

Instead I just wish for the inevitable that must be.

Memories linger from a butchered past

A trauma that has no end, my pain is meant to last …

Sleep is a distant dream, reality is a morbid nightmare,

Into an eternal intoxicated oblivion I stare …

I ask myself if I am not worthy of love, am I worthy of life?

A false love has cut me open with a knife.

Torn is my soul, living a parched existence,

Why am I alive, can’t my life end this instance?

I keep losing those who I held dear for so long,

As my tears run dry, the world commands me to be strong.

It is not easy to die …my mind responds “It is not easy to live as well”.

My fear has made me retreat into an impregnable shell.

Words of wisdom have lost all meaning,

For here I lie, telling myself I am only dreaming.